January hits and the pace changes fast.
The holidays have their own kind of busy, but for many leaders, entrepreneurs, and parents, the first weeks of the year feel like somebody slammed the accelerator to the floor. You want momentum. You want progress. You want to provide. You want to win.
But if you start the year at full speed with a stressed-out soul, you do not get “more done.” You just carry more pressure into your home, your team, and your decision-making.
On a recent 2000 Cubit Rule conversation, I sat down with Dan Hayden, a retired Army lieutenant colonel turned coach for Christian fathers. Dan helps men build what he calls “mental fitness,” the ability to manage day-to-day stressors with a positive mindset rather than a negative one, and he does it at the intersection of faith and practical neuroscience.
Here’s what stood out, and how you can apply it right now, whether you’re a father, a business owner, a team leader, or all three.
The hidden challenge of “go time”
A lot of leaders do not struggle with ambition. They struggle with what ambition does to them.
When work ramps up, we often default to internal scripts like:
- “I have to fix this right now.”
- “If I don’t control it, it will fall apart.”
- “I’m behind.”
- “This shouldn’t be happening.”
- “Why can’t people just do their job?”
Those thoughts feel normal because they’re common. But common does not mean healthy.
Dan’s core message is simple: life will bring pressure, but you can choose a better response. That choice, repeated over time, becomes a calm and steady leadership style that your family and your team can trust.
Coaching vs mentorship, and why it matters
Dan made a distinction that helps a lot of Christian leaders who are trying to grow.
Mentorship often involves advice and direction, “Here’s what I did, here’s what I recommend.”
Coaching assumes the client has more inside them than they realize, the coach helps draw it out through questions, reflection, and awareness.
Both are valuable, but coaching becomes powerful when you are stuck in patterns you cannot see. Sometimes you don’t need more information. You need a new perspective and a better process.
That’s part of the reason Dan’s own career transition turned into a coaching calling.
He was lined up for a solid post-military role, then the offer fell through right before retirement. The uncertainty hit hard, but in that pressure, he found a different path, one that fit his season and his mission: helping men become better fathers and steadier leaders.
That’s a theme you’ll see again and again in Scripture, too.
“A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
Plans are good. Humility is better. Trust is best.
Mental fitness, “saboteurs,” and renewing your mind
Dan coaches using a framework often referred to as PQ (Positive Intelligence). Even though the program is presented in a secular way, Dan connects it directly to Biblical truth, especially the call to renew the mind.
The core idea: we all have predictable negative mental patterns that sabotage our relationships, well-being, and performance.
Dan described these negative patterns as “saboteurs,” things like:
- the Judge (judging self, others, circumstances)
- the Controller
- the Avoider
- the Hyperachiever
- the Hypervigilant
These patterns are familiar because they are well-worn mental roads. Your brain will choose them quickly because it is efficient, not because it is wise.
That’s why renewing the mind is not a one-time insight. It’s training.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
You don’t drift into transformation. You practice your way into it.
A real-world example: truth and grace in the same sentence
One of the most helpful moments in the conversation was a parenting story.
Dan’s twin daughters are high-performing students. One aced a test. The other bombed it.
In that moment, Dan felt judgment rise up. Not just “that grade is bad,” but the harsh spiral a lot of parents and leaders know too well, the future-tripping, the fear, the pressure, the frustration.
Instead of letting it take over, he did something simple:
- He named the saboteur. “That’s the Judge.”
- He reset his body and attention. A short breathing and grounding practice.
- He asked a better question. “What does my daughter need from me today?”
The answer that came up: empathy.
Then he had a calm, steady conversation with her that included both sides of real leadership:
- Grace: “I’m with you. You’re not alone.”
- Truth: “This grade isn’t acceptable, and we’ll adjust.”
Dan called it “emotional equity,” when you respond with steadiness, you build trust that allows truth to land without crushing the person.
That principle applies everywhere.
It applies to your kids. It applies to your spouse. It applies to your employees. It applies to your clients.
Truth without grace becomes harshness.
Grace without truth becomes enabling.
Christian leadership, at its best, carries both.
How calm and steady leaders start their day
Dan emphasized something many of us ignore: your response patterns are formed before the pressure hits.
If you try to “be calm” only when you’re already triggered, you’re late.
Calm and steady leadership is built by rhythms that train your nervous system and your mind to shift faster.
Here are a few practical takeaways from the conversation:
Build micro-resets into your day
You don’t need a 45-minute routine to change your leadership. You need repeatable moments.
- slow your breathing for 10 seconds
- feel your feet on the ground
- unclench your jaw
- relax your shoulders
That short reset interrupts the “threat” response and gives you room to choose.
Use better questions
Dan shared a question that can change your entire dinner table:
“Where did you see God today?”
This trains attention toward gratitude and spiritual awareness. It also reshapes what your mind is looking for.
Remember the goal: respond, don’t react
Bad things still happen. A busted water heater still breaks. A client still leaves. A kid still struggles.
The win is not a problem-free life. The win is a Spirit-led response.
Fruit of the Spirit leadership is not passive
One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how clearly it ties into the fruit of the Spirit.
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22–23)
Calm and steady does not mean weak.
Peace is not avoidance.
Gentleness is not indecision.
Self-control is not suppression.
Fruit is power under submission.
When you learn to identify the internal voices pulling you toward fear, anger, and judgment, you gain the ability to lead from the Spirit instead of from the stress.
A word for 2026: Jesus sleeps in storms
Dan referenced the story where Jesus is sleeping during a storm.
The disciples panic. Jesus is calm. Then Jesus calms the storm.
The takeaway was simple and sobering:
The same Christ who calms storms can also lead you into storms.
If you’re entering 2026 with uncertainty, pressure, and challenges you didn’t plan for, you’re not disqualified. You’re being trained.
The question is not “Will there be storms?”
The question is “Who will you be in the storm?”
Practical next steps
If this conversation hits home, here are three simple actions to take this week:
- Name your top saboteur pattern.
When stress hits, what’s your default? Control, avoidance, judgment, people-pleasing, anger? - Add one daily micro-reset.
Choose one consistent moment, before a meeting, when you pull into the driveway, before you walk in the door, and reset your body and mind for 10 seconds. - Choose one “sage” question for pressure moments.
- “What does this person need from me right now?”
- “What’s the next wise step?”
- “Where is God in this?”
- “What’s the opportunity here, even if it’s hidden?”
Over time, these small reps create big change.
Where to find Dan Hayden
Dan Hayden’s work is built for Christian fathers who want to leave a positive legacy, not just accomplish goals.
- Website: findyourazimuthcoaching.com
- Podcast: Positive Legacy Podcast for Christian Fathers (YouTube, Apple, Spotify)
How SheepFeast helps you lead with clarity
At SheepFeast, we help Christian business owners bring order to chaos.
That includes practical leadership conversations like this, but it also includes the tools to run your business with discipline and consistency.
The Farmwork is our CRM for Christian businesses, designed to help you organize contacts, communication, follow-up, and customer journeys, so you can lead your team and serve your clients without constant friction.
If your business feels scattered, and your mind feels overloaded, that’s not just a productivity problem. It becomes a discipleship problem, because chaos always leaks.
The goal is not to “do more.” The goal is to build a business that supports your calling and your family.
FAQ
How can I stay calm and steady as a Christian leader?
Train your response before pressure hits. Use short resets (breathing, grounding), name negative thought patterns, and choose questions that invite wisdom instead of reaction.
What does it mean to renew your mind in practical daily life?
Renewing your mind means replacing automatic negative patterns with Spirit-led thoughts and actions. It’s less about a single insight and more about repeated practice.
Is mental fitness compatible with Christian faith?
Yes. Many mental fitness practices align with Biblical principles like self-control, peace, patience, and taking thoughts captive. The key is to keep Christ and Scripture as the foundation.
What is the difference between coaching and mentorship?
Mentorship typically involves advice and guidance from experience. Coaching focuses on drawing out awareness and solutions through questions, helping someone grow in ownership and clarity.
How do I stop bringing work stress home?
Use a transition reset before you walk in the door. Release the day with a short grounding practice, then choose to be present. This trains your nervous system to shift contexts.