Facing fear, finding freedom, and choosing to serve
Everyone wrestles with doubt. For Gary Frey, business leader, coach, speaker, and author of Silence the Impostor, those doubts once whispered loud: “You’re not good enough. People will find out. You don’t belong.”
On this Corral Call, Gary shared his journey through betrayal, loss, and crushing fear—and how God turned impostor thinking into confidence grounded in service.
A Kansas boy, a Charlotte journey
Gary grew up in small-town Kansas. By his late 20s, he was running turnarounds, saving companies from collapse. But betrayal struck twice: first by a mentor who embezzled from him, later by a partner who used him and cut him loose after landing a multimillion-dollar client.
Charlotte, North Carolina, where he landed with his wife and two young sons, was no utopia. “It was a hard place. But God meets us in hard places—and teaches us profound lessons there.”
Now, decades later, Gary and his wife celebrate over 40 years of marriage, with grown sons and grandchildren. Through it all, God has been faithful.
What is impostor syndrome?
Gary admits he didn’t even know the term until a few years ago. Coined in 1972 by two psychologists, “impostor syndrome” describes high achievers plagued by thoughts like:
- I’m in over my head.
- I don’t belong here.
- If people really knew me, they’d reject me.
- I must hide my failures and shortcomings.
Perfectionism, constant comparison, and fear of being “found out” all fuel the cycle.
And it’s everywhere—even CEOs. One client Gary coached led 10,000 employees yet whispered, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Her credentials didn’t “measure up,” and shame kept her silent—until she shared her story and found freedom.
Seven weapons against the impostor
Gary’s book, Silence the Impostor, distills what he learned through crucibles of failure, betrayal, and near collapse. Seven “weapons” helped him—and can help others—turn impostor thinking into freedom. Among them:
1. Realize you’re not alone
Isolation magnifies shame. “We think nobody else feels this way, but it’s a lie. The enemy loves to trap us in an isolation chamber.”
2. Shine a light on it
Confess what you’ve been hiding. Like his client who admitted her teenage pregnancy and abusive marriage, courage to expose secrets brings freedom. “Confess your sins one to another… it will set you free.”
3. Focus on serving, not perception
Gary once obsessed over how people perceived him on stage. Then came a breakthrough thought: “A servant is not to be concerned about how they’re perceived, only about serving.” That shift turned fear into freedom—and opened doors of impact.
4. Practice intentional gratitude
Each day, Gary journals: “I’m grateful for…” Gratitude doesn’t deny hardship, but it reframes perspective. “I can acknowledge reality, but I don’t have to focus on it.”
The surrender that saved him
After a $30M private equity collapse, 11 offices closed, lawsuits, and night terrors, Gary hit rock bottom. He prayed, “Lord, deliver me.” But fear still gripped him.
Two friends gave the same counsel: “It’s about surrender. Can you trust Him even if He doesn’t deliver you?”
That broke something open. Gary remembered God’s faithfulness in history—and in his own life. He chose surrender. “I don’t like this. I’m terrified. But I trust You—even if my worst fears come true.”
The circumstances didn’t immediately improve. In fact, they got worse. But Gary began sleeping again. Peace replaced panic. Surrender, gratitude, and trust carried him through.
Thrive vs. Wither: discovering your lane
Beyond impostor work, Gary helps leaders uncover what makes them come alive. His simple Thrive/Wither chart replaces “strengths and weaknesses” with something deeper:
- Thrive: Tasks that energize and bring life.
- Wither: Tasks that drain and deplete—even if you’re “good” at them.
One CEO Gary coached discovered he was carrying 11 of 14 company functions—most of which he hated. By delegating and focusing on his thrive zones, he rediscovered joy at work. “I can’t wait to go to work,” he later told Gary.
Gary today
- Author: Silence the Impostor: Seven Weapons to Silence Self-Doubt
- Speaker: Engages leaders on impostor syndrome, leadership, and thriving in your lane.
- Podcast host: Anything But Typical, spotlighting unique entrepreneurial journeys.
- Coach/Advisor: Helping leaders and teams grow with honesty and freedom.
Learn more at garydfry.com.
Final encouragement
“We weren’t made to walk this thing alone. Jesus sent the disciples two by two. Iron sharpens iron. If even one person finds freedom through my story, it’s worth it.” —Gary Frey