Why do we keep doing things we know are not helping us?
Why do procrastination, perfectionism, overwhelm, self-doubt, or the need for approval keep showing up, even when we genuinely want to change?
According to success mindset and abundance coach Valerie Pugsley, the answer may be found in the stories and patterns we have been reinforcing for years, sometimes without even realizing it.
In this episode of the 2000 Cubit Rule, Valerie joins Mark Rowan and Dr. Je Hammonds for a conversation about mindset, biblical truth, the power of our words, and what it looks like to approach personal growth with both grace and curiosity.
The Invisible Walls That Keep Us Stuck
Valerie works with entrepreneurs and side-hustlers who find themselves running into what she describes as invisible walls.
Fear. Self-doubt. Procrastination. Perfectionism. Overwhelm. Self-sabotage.
On the surface, these can look like productivity problems. We may assume we simply need more discipline, a better schedule, or another strategy.
But sometimes the behavior we see today is connected to a story we learned much earlier.
Our minds naturally develop patterns and responses based on our experiences. Over time, those responses can become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as patterns at all.
That is where Valerie encourages a different response.
Instead of immediately judging yourself, get curious.
Why am I responding this way?
What am I believing right now?
Where did that belief come from?
Is it actually true?
And most importantly for the believer, does it agree with what God says is true?
Grace and Curiosity Instead of Shame
One of the most compelling ideas Valerie shares is what she calls her Grace & Curiosity Approach.
When we recognize an unhealthy pattern, our instinct can be condemnation.
I should be further along.
Why do I keep doing this?
What’s wrong with me?
That condemnation rarely produces healthy transformation. Instead, Valerie encourages people to begin with grace and then become curious about what is happening beneath the behavior.
Grace does not mean ignoring something that needs to change. It creates room to examine it without shame.
That distinction is especially important for Christians.
Scripture calls us to transformation through the renewing of our minds. It also tells us to take our thoughts captive. There is participation involved. We are not powerless observers of every thought or pattern that enters our minds.
We can examine what we believe, bring it before God, and begin replacing false narratives with truth.
Personal Development or Biblical Truth?
Valerie’s journey into mindset coaching came with an important tension.
As a Christian, she encountered concepts within psychology and personal development that were genuinely helpful. At the same time, she recognized that some approaches eventually placed the individual at the center of everything.
That was the dividing line.
There is a significant difference between recognizing the abilities God has given us and believing that we ourselves are the ultimate source of our power.
Yet Valerie also noticed something else. Many ideas promoted by modern personal development resemble principles Scripture has taught for centuries.
The Bible has long told us to renew our minds, examine our thoughts, focus on what is true and praiseworthy, seek wise counsel, and understand that our words have tremendous power.
The problem comes when we either remove God from those principles or reject useful insights simply because they are presented outside traditional Christian language.
The better approach is discernment.
Test it. Examine it. Compare it with Scripture.
Keep what is true.
Your Words Are Programming Something
One of the most practical parts of the conversation centers on language.
Valerie gives a remarkably simple example.
She used to frequently say:
“I forgot.”
Then she recognized something interesting. At the exact moment she was saying she forgot something, she was actually remembering it.
So she began changing her language.
Rather than continually reinforcing forgetting, she began focusing on remembering.
The distinction seems small, but it illustrates a much larger principle.
Pay attention to the phrases you repeatedly speak over yourself:
I’m terrible at this.
I’m always overwhelmed.
I’ll never be able to do that.
I can’t remember anything.
I’m just not disciplined.
When a phrase becomes habitual, it can become part of the story through which we interpret our lives.
The question becomes: What are you repeatedly telling yourself to expect?
Reframing Doesn’t Mean Denying Reality
Biblical mindset work is not pretending difficult circumstances do not exist.
Valerie shares a powerful example from a season when someone she loved was hospitalized. Her schedule had been completely disrupted, emotions were high, and she found herself repeatedly thinking:
I’m in a crisis.
The circumstances were real. But Valerie recognized that continually describing everything as a crisis was adding another emotional layer to an already difficult situation.
Her reframe became:
“This is an unplanned schedule change.”
The circumstances had not disappeared.
But her ability to respond to them changed.
A crisis feels uncontrollable. An unplanned schedule change is something you can begin navigating.
That is an important distinction. Reframing is not about lying to yourself. It is about examining whether the language you are using accurately and constructively describes what is happening.
When Achievement Becomes Identity
The conversation becomes especially important for entrepreneurs, ministry leaders, pastors, coaches, and other high achievers.
Dr. Je Hammonds shares how easily service and accomplishment can become connected to our need for affirmation.
We can serve.
Build.
Lead.
Produce.
Help people.
And even do all of it in the name of ministry.
But beneath all that activity can be another question:
Am I doing this from calling, or am I trying to prove that I am valuable?
Valerie points out that high achievement can sometimes become a coping mechanism. If someone’s sense of worth has become connected to productivity, recognition, or approval, slowing down can feel threatening.
That creates a difficult possibility.
Healing may actually change what motivates you.
You may still accomplish significant things, but you no longer need accomplishment to tell you who you are.
For Christian leaders, that is an important distinction between working from identity and working for identity.
You May Need Someone Outside the Bottle
Valerie uses a memorable analogy during the conversation.
When we’re inside a bottle, we cannot read the label.
Sometimes we need someone outside of our situation who can see what we cannot.
That could be a coach, counselor, pastor, mentor, trusted friend, or another wise person God has placed in our lives.
Valerie demonstrated this herself in an earlier conversation with Mark. She noticed seemingly harmless words such as “just” and “finally” that were subtly minimizing progress. Mark did not recognize the pattern because those words had become natural to him.
Someone else heard them.
That is part of the value of wise community. Other people can sometimes recognize patterns that have become invisible to us.
What Are You Rehearsing?
Perhaps one of the most practical takeaways from Valerie’s message is simply to start listening to yourself.
You don’t have to identify and solve every pattern today.
Start noticing.
What phrases do you repeat?
What assumptions do you make about yourself?
What happens internally when something goes wrong?
Where do you immediately go emotionally?
What story are you telling yourself about what happened?
Then bring grace and curiosity into that moment.
Instead of simply saying, “That’s just how I am,” ask a better question:
Is that who God created me to be, or is that simply a pattern I’ve learned?
Those are very different things.
And patterns can change.
Trusting God From a Place of Expectation
Valerie closes the episode with a powerful reframe of prayer.
Sometimes our prayers acknowledge God’s will, but the way we approach His will can almost sound like resignation. Valerie challenges believers to approach surrender differently.
Drawing from Ephesians 3:20, she has learned to pray with expectation that God can do exceedingly and abundantly beyond what we can ask or imagine.
That is still surrender.
But it is surrender rooted in confidence in God’s character rather than fear about what He might do.
We may not know exactly how God will work through a circumstance. We can still trust that He sees more than we see, knows more than we know, and is capable of outcomes beyond what we could construct ourselves.
That is a reframe worth remembering.
Connect With Valerie Pugsley
Valerie Pugsley is a Success Mindset & Abundance Coach who helps entrepreneurs and side-hustlers uncover the invisible barriers keeping them stuck. Her work addresses areas including procrastination, perfectionism, overwhelm, self-sabotage, intentional language, marketing, and sales.
You can learn more about Valerie, her coaching, resources, and upcoming opportunities at Val Cares.